The piece of me I left behind

I gave my heart to this little precious boy...Eyner. This is our first picture together, when we were taking a lunch break and he was the only kid in the church. His mom, aunt and grandma were all volunteering at the clinic (because they are active members in the church) so he was allowed to be in with us while we closed up for about 20 minutes to eat. I didn't know specially from any of the other kids except that I remembered that I had painted a Superman shield on his face that morning. So he was in the church, throwing his little soccer ball around by himself and I decided to go over and play with him. At first we were just playing catch, then I would put my hands behind my back and have him guess which hand the ball was in. So he did the same to me. Then I stuck it in my pocket and tricked him. And he tried to do the same. :) Then I threw it under my leg and he caught it. I pretended to throw it and faked him out and it CRACKED him up. The best little laugh I have ever heard in my life. We played for a while and I fell in love with him. Right then.

The rest of the week, I referred to him as my "major amigo" - my best friend. He was always around. He skipped school THE WHOLE WEEK (and his mom is a teacher there! ha!) and we played every day. He memorized all of the bible verses, he sang our songs the loudest and he was always smiling and happy. His laugh was infectious and pulled on my heartstrings a little more every time I heard it.

Let me just brag on him a little bit.... he is 5 and was supposed to be in a pre-K program this year. However, since he is SO bright and catches on so quickly, they bumped him up to 1st grade. This is him, in his house, studying the english alphabet. He knew every letter and read them to me from the huge white board that he studies in his living room.

Well, on our 2nd to last day of clinic in San Pablo, I decided to give him my cross. Joan, one of the ladies on our trip from Seacoast, had brought everyone a little wooden cross that was made by soldiers in Iraq. She said that we should each take one and give it to someone that we made a special connection with that week. Without question, Eyner was that person for me. So I took Daisy - so I could communicate - and had Eyner take me to his house. Which was actually RIGHT next to the church. His mom came out and I said to Daisy, "Tell her I'm sorry if I cry" as tears were already running down my face. I looked at Eyner and told her that I had fallen in love with her son and that I had something to give him. I gave him the little wooden cross and told him that I Jesus loved him and that I loved him. I told him that I would be praying for him every day and that I wanted him to remember that whenever he looked at it. His mom started crying and he was very excited. We stayed and talked to his mom a little more (THANK YOU, DAISY!!) and that was when he showed us his english ABCs and the paint that he found and wanted his mom to use on his face when we left. :)

At the end of the week (which I have a whole other blog dedicated to...and coming soon) it was horrible to say goodbye to him. His mom cried when she said goodbye to me. His grandma hugged me and cried. His aunt cried...pretty hard. And it was horrible. At one point during the service that they had for us that night, I looked up and he pulled his cross out of his pocket and waved it at me all excited. I was so happy to see that he was so excited about it. Then again as we were loading the bus - okay, okay, as I was leaning half way out the window - he pulled it out and showed it to me. Ha. Actually, he dropped it and I had to “yell” at him for dropping it. He started cracking up and calling me “chistosa” which means both “silly” and was my nickname from the kids.

After I had given Eyner my cross, I also gave his mom my email address because she said that her sister (his aunt) knew how to use it. And I have been searching my email EVERY DAY since I got back. Last night we had our last official Mosaic Nica team meeting to debrief and spend a little more time together and when I got home, there it was. My first email from Nicaragua. It has made me smile – and made me cry – about a hundred times since then. It was so sweet that I wanted to put it up here. The gift that he keeps mentioning is my cross. So here’s my email from Eyner. The piece of my heart that I left in San Pablo:

Hi Kristin
I hope you are doing well. I'm writing to tell you that I've been missing you since you left. Sorry for not writing to you sooner but I got sick. I hope you get this message and you write back soon and I hope you haven't forgotten me because I think of you and keep close the gift you gave me. I hope you come back soon because I'm excited to see you again and to show you how much I hold on to the gift you gave me. Take care and write back soon.
Eyner Samuel Angulo Flores, my mom and my grandma
Take care.

Jesus me ama.

This was definitely one of the highlights of my trip. We had been doing informal spanish/english lessons all week. Mainly because of our lack of understanding each other when Daisy wasn't around to translate. I think I was saying "Como se dice..." in my sleep! So I would ask the kids how to say something by either pointing to it or - if there wasn't an object around - acting it out. :) We taught the kids colors and numbers and family names along with common phrases (How are you today? How old are you? Please...thank you...etc.) and typically easy English to begin with. Then we taught them Bible verses in Spanish and had them help us speak to them, too.

Then one day I had the great idea (in a time filling moment) to see if the kids knew any songs. We had done "Yo tengo una barquita" about a THOUSAND times (awww....I miss their little voices!!!!) and I wanted to know if they knew anything else. I asked one of my permanent hip decorations (Hellen - on my right in the stripes) if she knew "Jesus me ama" and she started singing it for me. So after the kids taught it to me in Spanish, I decided that I was going to tackle teaching it to them in English. And it worked! :) It was so amazing to see their eyes light up with the knowledge that they were communicating to me and that they were learning a different language. Of course, their pronunciation wasn't perfect - haha - but that's what made it all the more fun.

This picture is actually a few days after I taught them how to sing the song. Daisy had her guitar and we were practicing for the church service that night where the kids were all going to do their songs and bible verses for the community. I tried to use hand motions to help them remember the words...and that's what we're doing here. "The Bi-ble tells me so." Haha...it was all broken down syllable by syllable so they could better reproduce the proper sounds.

Ugh. I love these children. All 5000 of them. :) Okay...so maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but this picture certainly doesn't do justice to all of my little angels. This must've been a slower time of day - or they were all off playing some other game - because only a very small group of our kids is actually represented in this shot. But don't you worry....more pics and stories to come soon.

"Jesus me ama. La biblia dice a si." And not only does the bible tell me so...but so did the love of all of these children. And their parents. And their teachers. And the church memebers. And the volunteers. And the mayor. And the local doctors. And the store owners... And EVERYONE in the community who welcomed us in with a love that I've never experienced from complete strangers before. It was unbelievable. And truly only possible straight from the heart of the Lord.

Yes, Jesus loves me. These children show me so.

Keep Walkin' On

Well in this world of sorrow, trouble and temptation,
Jesus always promised trial and tribulation.
But He said, "You don't have to fret or fear.
Children, be of good cheer and
keep walkin' on. Keep walkin' on.
Children, keep walkin' on. Keep walkin' on."

In Jesus Christ the truth is found.
He'll keep our feet on solid ground.
Sometimes we have to just believe
What He put in the Book for us to read.

Satan you can't fool this girl,
My Lord overcame this world!
And I'm walkin' on.
Yeah I'm walkin' on.
Lord, I'm walkin' on.
Yeah I'm walkin' on

Well Jesus walked on the water,
Peter walked on it too.
God gave you the power to do what you cannot do.
Every road we travel He's traveled down before
And there ain't no need to worry where it leads to anymore.

I'm walkin' on.
I'm walkin' on.
I'm walkin' on.
I'm walkin' on.

Well the road is narrow and it's straight.
But it leads right up to the Golden Gate.
It may be rough, it may be long,
But I don't have to walk alone...

Step by step and day by day,
He takes my hand and I hear Him say
"Keep walkin' on, gotta keep walkin' on.
Oh, keep walkin' on, keep walkin' on."

What you gonna do, can't pay that rent?
Yeah what you gonna do when the money's spent?
What you gonna do when you just can't cope?
Hey, what you gonna do when you're outta hope?

Oh, keep walkin' on, keep walkin' on.
Keep walkin' on, just keep walkin' on.
Keep walkin' on, keep walkin' on.
Keep walkin' on, keep walkin' on....

This is actually a Faith Hill song, believe it or not. It's from her white cd, "It Matters to Me" and it's been one of my all-time favorite songs since I first heard it in like junior high. I always seem to come back to it when I'm in a good mood because it's an amazing upbeat, super fun song. Today, though, when I was trying to use it to boost myself into one of those good moods, I actually heard the lyrics so well that I got goosebumps and couldn't help myself from singing so loud that the people 2 lanes over probably heard me as they sped past in traffic.

It doesn't matter how we feel. God wants us to keep going. It doesn't matter if we've failed. God wants us to keep going. If we're out of hope, out of options, out of friends, out of things to give...God wants us to keep going. And not because He's a slave driver who relentlessly pushes us on without rest, but because He's going along with us and we don't have to do it alone. He doesn't want us to give up.

No one ever said that the Christian walk would be painless. Ha...Jesus said just the opposite himself in John 16:33. But in the same breath, He said to take heart because He has overcome the world. And that's the hardest thing to remember. That I don't have to do it all. When I don't have anything left to give, God will give for me. When I can't go another step, He will go for me. When I can't handle all of my imperfections, God will face it for me. Because He will take my hand and lead me. He gives us the power to do what we can't do on our own.

It's so easy to get sucked in by satan's lies. To feel all of the insecurities and believe all the subtle whispers. But if we don't give up and remember that God is always with us...we still win. And we'll make it. We just have to keep walkin' on.