I babysit for 3 little ones every Tuesday and to be honest, I've got it easy. The kids are sweet, they make me laugh, and I have access to uninterrupted internet when they go to bed. Uninterrupted in that they don't borrow it from the neighbors like we do at our house. It makes life easier for updating my classroom website and ok...let's be honest...checking facebook.After Isaac goes down around 6:30 I have a good hour or so to play with the girls before I get them ready for bed. After rediscovering the joy of Christmas toys last week, I was actually quite excited to come over this week and play Barbies. Especially since one of Natalie's Barbies came with a whole shower and bathroom vanity set! Alas, that wasn't the game of choice tonight. Instead we played "Nicole's gonna stay in there because that's the class and she's gonna watch my kids while I come out here because that's the house but hang on a minute because I have to stop by the store." Known to the rest of us as playing house. My favorite game as a child.
I loved to play house when I was little because there are so many opportunities. Whether it was helping Barbie drive her '67 Chevy to Jordan Knight's house for a date (yes, I had Jordan and Joey from NKOTB, thank you very much) or my sister and I were chosen to be contestants on Let's Make a Deal or I was one of 6 babies laying between the roots of the old tree on the playground, playing house never let me down. I could be whatever I wanted, solve any problem and time seemed to last forever. I didn't have to come out of character all day. Even if we were having dry chicken and cold green beans for dinner, the table just became a platform for the nightly news anchor. It was never silly, always serious, but in fun.
As an adult (because I am one, whether I like it or not) I still like to use my imagination. I play with Natalie and Nicole when I'm babysitting, I play with my kids at recess and technically when I'm acting as a modeling agent giving myself fashion tips in the mirror, I'm playing then, too.
Tonight, though, as Natalie and Nicole played, I realized that playing house is just a reflection of the world through the eyes of a child. As Natalie passed out snack, very delicious imaginary strawberry flavored gummies, she said, "Ok sweetie, do you need me to stir that for you?" in what I can imagine is only a perfect imitation of her bible study teacher's actual phrasing. When I put Isaac to sleep, Nicole kissed him on the leg and Natalie said "Goodnight sweetie, you have a good sleep, ok?" in a complete mother-like tone. Natalie, in her play, was mimicking the people and things she knows to be true from her day-to-day.
Which got me thinking. How are my students reflecting me? Are my little girls putting on their church shoes with the heels and sticking pencils in their ponytails? Are they carrying around coffee cups and giving hugs to their students? Or are they snapping at Barbie when she doesn't follow directions the first time? Are they patient with Dora when she forgets a sight word or are they berating her for forgetting? Are they asking the Build-a-Bear to sit nicely on the carpet or making a sarcastic remark about him laying down in hopes the young student will figure out what that implies?
I love being a teacher but the one downfall is that I never get a day off. Now before you harass me about spring break and not working in the summer - by the way, don't get me started - let me clarify what I mean. I'm an entertainer. When I have a cold, can't stop blowing my nose and sound like a smoker, I'm still required to read stories and talk all day long. When I feel like I have the flu and just want to sit at my desk, I have to stay on my feet and model step by step by step directions. When I'm sad because my boyfriend's gone back to his new job 5,000 miles away and I realize that all of my friends are moving on with their boyfriends, husbands, babies, etc and I feel all alone and just want to cry and eat Chubby Hubby (you know...hypothetically), I still have 36 little eyes watching my every move, asking me questions, needing their shoes tied, getting stuck in their coat zippers, forgetting which way a "b" goes, spilling fruit juice in their laps, getting distracted by the carpet, shouting out random thoughts, hitting the wrong button on the computer, falling on the playground and just generally being five year old babies who can't help but make mistakes! And while the pandemonium of it all makes me want to pull my hair out and tell everyone to be quiet and let me have 5 minutes - just 5 minutes! - to hear myself think...
I can't. Because I still have 18 little babies who need me. 18 students who are JUST five years old, who don't understand not displaying your emotions the instant you feel them, who aren't intentionally (most of them) trying to make me lose my mind but who really just need assistance. And I wondered, as I watched Natalie and Nicole play house and imitate the people they're observing, just how my students play me. Because even on days when I don't feel like entertaining...they're still watching. And taking notes.
Thank God I have Him to rely on because with days like these I'd never have any positive influence on anyone. During lunch today my team of other kindergarten teachers came to me for an intervention. Apparently they noticed I haven't been myself. As one of them told me, "Tomorrow's a new day!" and mine is certainly going to start in prayer. Because even God's worst can shine through me when I'm feeling cruddy and that's who my kids really deserve. Even if I break another coffee cup tomorrow in the middle of our science story and send expensive, hot coffee flying all over myself and the rug, I'll rely on God to equip me with patience and kindness and hopefully He'll equip my babies with forgiveness.
And forgetfulness of their teacher on days like today.
