Winners wear a crown, losers wear a frown.

...okay. So that's from "Miss Congeniality" but I'm watching it right now and thought it was appropriate. :)

As promised, more pictures from my birthday. Here are a few of my favorites or you can go to Whitley's flikr site for more. Thanks to her for her super photography skills and for getting the pics up so quickly!!

Look at all of these people that I love. I am SO blessed!!

I got a pony (ride) for my birthday!!

Team Crinklin loves bald men in pink.

Team Mock 5...game plan to win:

My favorite part of the scavenger hunt...poems using my name. Hilarious!!

Hello 24,

You have been a great birthday. I have never received so many phone calls in my life. And I have myspace messages to last a lifetime. I was able to hang out and have lunch with the ever so lovely Miss Whitley who always leaves me feeling refreshed. I was then lucky enough to have dinner with the amazing Miss Ashley who continues to fill my heart with happiness. And THEN I was blessed with a party full of people that I love. What could be better than driving around town in my birthday crown looking for bald men in pink, strangers to feed and hoping that someone would come back soaking wet?

I've already learned a lot from you, 24. From the many poems I was serenaded with, I have learned the following:

a) Krispy Kremes will make you poop. And then you will feel better.
b) Too-be-tah is still the best word ever created.
c) I am the girl of Brandon's dreams.
d) Kathy Lee Gifford is a woman of God.
e) I am hotter than Miss Canada.
f) And EVERYONE likes to talk about my...ummm..."assets." ;)

But do you know what else I'm learning from you, 24? That it is so true what they say..."When you give, you shall receive." I was seriously surprised by all of the people who called or came by to wish me a Happy Birthday. And it wasn't just because of those handly little myspace reminders! I am in love with the people of Charlotte. And I have done all that I can to let them know and to shower them with the same love that God pours into my heart. Well thanks to you, 24, you gave others a good excuse to pour back into me...and my love bucket is overflowing! I was truly humbled when I came home last night and reflected on the day. God is faithful and He blesses those who do the work of His hands. Of this I am sure.

You know what, 24? I have a feeling that this is only the beginning. I have a feeling that you're going to be the best year yet.

Love Always,
Kristin

God doesn't make mistakes.

A couple inches taller
Another size smaller
A little curl in my hair
Used to wish I was older
Now I wish I was younger
Back when I didn't have a care
Most of the time I am happy with what God gave me
Once in a while I wish that some miracle would change me

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta remember
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

Mama says I'm special
Calls me her little angel
Yeah, I could almost do no wrong
But I trip and stumble
Guess that's what keeps you humble
But I pick myself up and I carry on
I'll never be a flawless model of perfection
Nobody's perfect and I admit I'm no exception

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta remember
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

I'm thankful for the rainy days
They only make the sunshine sweeter

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta remember
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

~Carolyn Dawn Johnson

Keep the Change

I know that change is good. It's an inevitable part of life that can wreak havoc if we don't accept it and roll with the punches. But that doesn't mean that it's an easy process.

As I mentioned in my last entry, last week I had the absolute pleasure of going back to Illinois to be with my friend Lisa as she finalized all the preparation for her wedding. I stayed at her house, we ordered pizza, watched movies...and ran around doing last minute errands. Jody and Bonnie came a few days later and the four of us “Golden Girls” were back together again. Lisa had two other friends who also stayed with us for the week and it was just the best group of girls that could possibly have been together. We all got along. We bonded. We laughed. (Oh, did we laugh!) We made table decorations and name cards. We printed programs and decorated the church. We dropped off candles and picked up gifts. We went out to eat. We had a luau. And Lisa's bachelorette party. We got pedicures with little pink flowers to match our dresses. We went to the tailor to get our dresses fitted...and back the next day to get them fitted again when mine was too small. And as we were doing all of this preparation, we knew what it was for. It was all for Lisa and Tony, to celebrate the beginning of their new lives together. We could not have been happier.

But it didn't really sink in until it was almost over. Before the rehearsal, we were at the church decorating and setting up chairs. All was well and good until the pianist came in to sound check. He started playing that stupid song that Lisa would walk down to and I got all teary eyed. I had to cover my ears in that “I can’t hear you” kind of way and laugh when I looked around and saw that the other girls were tearing up, too. After that, I was pretty much done for. We had the rehearsal and all was well and good. We went to Aurelio's for dinner and Lisa and Tony thanked everyone for coming. Lisa read a poem about friendship and when her voice shook, the tears came back. Then we got our gifts (the matching jewelry that we'd all already seen at one point or another) and the surprise scrapbooks that Lisa had made for her bridesmaids, each a little different with pictures of us and her together. Then it hit me. Lisa is getting married. Things will never be exactly the same.

Flying back the day after the wedding was the worst. Usually when I come back to Charlotte, I am SO excited. I love being here. I know this is where God wants me. And I know that there are people here who really love me. But for some reason, coming back this time was different. I just wasn't ready. Driving to the airport, seeing the Chicago skyline out the window made me miss the many times that I had played downtown. Flying out of O'Hare, seeing the city below me felt like a harsh reality that I was leaving once again. I had to restrain myself from actually putting my palm up to the window like they do in movies. And the tears would not be held in. As I tend to do when I'm sad, I called my parents after I landed. And as I talked to my daddy about all that I was feeling...the change...the loss I felt...the sadness for things that used to be...he reminded me of something very important. "There are good times ahead."

I am very much a "wear my heart on my sleeve" kinda gal. If I'm happy, if I'm sad, if I'm excited, if I'm let down...these are not easy things for me to hide. But I also don't believe that I need to. I'm a firm believer of tears. :) The day I came back was very out of character for me (a close friend of mine even said that it was depressing!) because I was just sad and dealing with all that came with this major change. We're growing up. People move on and I should know this. I've moved enough times that Charlotte is my 9th city to live in. It would be a lie to say that every place I 've lived proved to better than the last, but for the most part, I can see why the major changes had to happen. I wouldn't be in leadership with Mosaic if I didn't follow God's calling to Charlotte. I wouldn't be in Charlotte if I hadn't decided to come with Jody. I wouldn't have met Jody if I hadn't gone to ISU. I wouldn't have gone to ISU if we hadn't left Michigan and moved to Illinois when I was 15...and on and on.

Why am I telling you all of this? Mostly because I can. That's my name at the top of this blog. :) But also, I'm learning something. (Something new every day it seems!) And I think it's something that a lot of us could stand to be reminded of...especially as we will soon be transitioning back into full force at Mosaic. New people will be coming around. Small groups will be starting. We're starting a new service at a new location. And those are all a formula for things to be shaken up and done differently. And we need to accept that. Because where would we be if Naeem and his team hadn't decided to move up here from Charleston? If they hadn't accepted that major change, none of us would be part of this amazing movement that is taking Charlotte by storm. Where would we be if we didn't accept change once things were put in place? Certainly not reaching more people with a 3rd service...we'd still be sitting in the AMC with one service, not growing. Not reaching our full potential.

Like everything else in life, the dynamics of "The Golden Girls" might be changing...husbands and babies coming in...more miles between us. But if we embrace these major changes, it can only make things better. There are good times ahead.

My Favorite Wedding Moment

Last week, I was in Illinois doing the bridesmaid thing for one of my absolute best friends in the entire world. Friday morning, we all woke up with the sun (thanks to there being no curtains up in her house yet) and realized it was the big day. We sang "Goin to the Chapel" to Lisa, drank coffee, watched part of "Father of the Bride" and went to the salon to get our hair done together. I was running around like I was on speed (big shocker to all, I'm sure) and was still taking pictures from Lisa's camera that had become a permanent fixture in my hand. Jody got her hair done first and brought me more coffee. Kristen and Bonnie got their hair done and stood around, eating fruit and taking pictures. Then they brought out Lisa's vail and the tears that had found their way to my eyes multiple times that week came back. It was one of those moments, seeing her with the veil on, that kind of made it real that things were changing. Lisa was getting married. And in a matter of hours.

We went home and did our makeup and got dressed. Lisa got on her gorgeous dress and the photographer started taking pictures. She was taking the classic wedding shots (bride by the window, bride holding the flower girl, etc.) and they got to the shot of Lisa sitting on the couch, looking down at her boquet. The photographer took it from above and showed the picture to Lisa. And she was surprised. "Did you see that? It's gorgeous!" was her response to the black and white photo of herself. "Yes, honey. You're stunning" was all that I could say. And she started to cry when she realized it. Lisa didn't cry at the rehearsal when we did. She didn't cry at the salon when they put in her veil. She didn't cry when we were cleaning up her house for her husband. But when she finally realized how absolutely stunning she is, it was an amazing thing to watch. For years we have been telling her that she's gorgeous. But it's not exactly the type of thing that someone can tell you. For some reason or another, she just couldn't see it. And then all of a sudden, something happened, and she was able to see herself as the person we see she is. I think she realized that she is breathtaking.

The way that I felt to see her eyes finally opened was so overwhelming. I could not have loved her more in that instant. And then the thought crossed my mind that this is what I am guilty of on a daily basis. I so don't see myself as God sees me. And people could tell me all day long until they're blue in the face what they think of my looks, but the compliments just come and fall around me. It's like I block them out or they hit this wall that doesn't let them in. We all enjoy compliments, especially those that are unexpected, but for some reason we have a barrier up that keeps us from believing that they are true. God, however, sees us that way all of the time. He created us in His image and He knows that we are beautiful because that is truth. We just refuse to belive it. And whatever the lies are that keep us from seeing ourselves as God does, I bet it's just as frustrating to Him as it was to me when Lisa couldn't see how incredible she is. But something finally clicked and she was able to see it.

I was listening to a cd today from a speaker that I heard when I was at the Ignite conference in 2002. Her name is Tammy L. Smith (Ph.D.) and her seminar was called "On the Road to Wholeness: Dealing with the Effects from Past Wounds." I very much enjoy her which is why I not only got the cd of the seminar that I was at, but have also listened to it multiple times. And today, as usually happens, something different stuck out to me. About 7 minutes into it, Tammy told about a girl that she knows who gets anxious to meet new people because she thinks that they will see her as lazy and immature based on some things that her dad said to her when she was very young. When the reality is that the is beautiful, very mature and that people look up to her for her godliness. I totally thought of Lisa as I heard that because maybe they aren't dealing with the exact same struggles or looking through the same lies as filters for how people perceive them, but it's the same situation. And it sickens me.

Why is that we allow people to speak such evil into us? And even more importantly, why do we do it to others? Tammy L. Smith also said that the negative emotions we feel are like echoes of our past. We belive things about ourselves because other people say hurtful things and then the evil one takes over and tells us that they are truth. I'm not saying that anyone who believes these lies is a fool. I am more guilty of it than anyone. But was this does say to me is that we need to be that much more combative for each other. We need to block those lies that cause such pain with the abounding love that we are pouring on each other. If someone close to us can't see how incredible they are, we need to love on them even more. Because satan can very easily get a stronghold of our minds and we need to form an army against him. We win, guys. We always do. God made sure of that when he put his one and only son on the cross for us. We just have to decide to fight for each other and the victory is ours.

While your time might not have come yet and you're not quite to the point where you can see yourself as the incredible creation that God has made, it should give you hope that one day it will come. It does for me. One day, we'll be able to see ourselves as the beautiful creation that God formed in His hands and it will warm His heart to know when we finally get it. Until then, I'll keep fighting for you. That you will see what Lisa saw in that picture. The absolute magnificence of God's creation.