More than Summer Reading

Though I know my mother would (and will) argue...I am not a worrier. Admittedly, when I feel the the pressure of something that will effect my life, I do worry in those moments. And then (okay, mom) I am a worry wart. But I wouldn't say that it's something that consumes my day-to-day. I'm telling you all of this because yesterday (aaaaand okay, I'm still under the shadow of it today) I had a lot on my mind and I couldn't seem to shake it. Unfortunately, none of it is directly related to me. No, that's not true. They aren't "my" issues, but they do effect me - and 2 of the people that I love most in this world.

So as I start crying and talking to mom, she says (and I hate it when she does this), "You just have to ask yourself if you trust God to handle this? Do you trust God that He knows what's best for your life?" Besides taking my teardrops to sobs, she also gave me that just-been-slapped feeling. Which I know she didn't mean to do, but that's what happens when somebody lays the truth out in front of your face. I'm not even going to say that she made me feel better. Because that'd be a lie. But I did have those questions rolling around in the back of my mind for the rest of the day.

So before I went to work today, I drove to the library to pick up another book. I have been going through a new book every 3 days or so and knew that I'd have a lot of down time today while the baby was napping. I picked up "The Department of Lost and Found" by Allison Winn Scotch. And for the first time in my life, I read it in one sitting. Okay, maybe I didn't actually sit the whole time - there was a few hour break to play with the baby when he was up and actually do my job - but once he was back down to sleep around 8:00, I finished it. All in one day. And it's funny that God chose to use it to get my attention.

The story is about a 30 year old woman who finds out that she is diagnosed with breast cancer and the changes it has on her life. Let me share this one small part with you - the part that God used to bring me to tears and get my attention:

"...So when Mrs. Seidel adjusted the seventh wig, muttering in Yiddish under her breath as she pinned it on and brushed it out, even I was surprised to discover that I had to have it. The rich chocolate, nearly black, locks that cascaded down my back, landing just below the bra strap that crossed under my shoulder blades. When I turned my head side to side, the layers flowed effortlessly over one another, the light from the ceiling bouncing off them as if in an Herbal Essences commercial.

"This is it," I said. "This is the one."

Mrs. Seidel fluffed out the hair in her hands, and I swear, it felt as if she were combing out my own. I stared through the mirror and wondered if, in just a moment, you could reinvent yourself."

Can you follow my randomness here? The entire story in and of itself is wonderful (not depresssing in any way) and I highly recommend it. But the reason this got my attention was because, as I was reading it, I literally thought, "That's my hair. The color, the length, the layers...that is my hair that I recently cut and donated." No, before you get too worried, I'm not senile enough to think that a story character would have inhereted my actual ponytail, but it did put things into perspective. For one thing, it filled me with a sense of hope, rather than despair. And my attitude of worry immediately vanished. It also reminded me that God does have my life in His control (and the lives of those that I was worrying about) and there isn't anything I can do other than trust Him.

It doesn't mean that I can't pray about situations or wrestle with God for what I want. He says that we can do that. "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" as long as I keep it in perspective. I believe that God works in mysterious ways - stirring up in someone's heart to donate their hair when He knows that it's exactly the thing that will put hope back into someone else's life - and I just have to be reminded of that from time to time. The path to heaven is the one I want to be on...it's just got a lot of speedbumps along the way.