Good to Great

So I'm learning a lot these days. In fact, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being good, I'm at like a 100. And hello, if a 10 is good, a 100 is GREAT! I know, I know, you're thinking, "Kristin...honey...100 is not between 1 and 10. I can't believe you're teaching the future leaders of America..." But I know that 100 is impossible on that scale. And it's kinda my point.

See, when I moved out here 2 years ago, I knew that I was following God's calling. I didn't know why and I didn't know how long, but I knew that I was to come. And after much sacrifice and prayer, I've found my purpose here. I am reaching Charlotte and the people I've come to meet in a way that I never thought possible. Like, this past August, not even a year ago, I was doing just fine. I was on with God, I was living the good example, I was starting a new youth program at my church. I probably would've said that I was at a 7, maybe even an 8, with 10 being the absolute closest to God that I would ever possibly reach in my lifetime. However, 10 months later, here I am at a 100. I never in a million years would've imagined that a relationship like this would be possible. I have learned things that I never thought I'd understand. I've done things that I never thought I'd be capable of. I am responsible for things that I never thought I'd even take part in. And all of this is not to brag, but to show what God's been teaching me lately...and reteaching. We are never finished.

This morning I was talking with one of my very best friends about an insecurity that I was having. And as we were discussing this, and my feelings of being replaced and excluded and unloved were being exposed, he said something that caught me very off guard. The same person who I felt was being put in my place, the same person who I was (ugh) jealous of and feeling threatened by...had made a comment in his presence about what she thought of me. And it was nothing short of humbling. Here I am, worrying about someone taking my friends from me and she is only seeing me in a light that I don't deserve, that I am not worthy of. That quickly shifted my focus off of my selfish needs and back to my strengths, the things that people actually see in me and deem worthy of imitation. Though it's perfectly normal to feel sad when those close to you unknowingly hurt your feelings, it isn't anything to dwell on. Talk about it and feel better. Learn to communicate. Don't ruin anymore relationships in jealousy, Kristin, this is something that you've already dealt with and grown out of. Oh yeah...reminder #1.

I came home and sat down at the computer to check my email and I had one from my exboyfriend. I had emailed him the day before because I found a book of his when I was unpacking boxes in the new apartment. Reading his email, I just had to sit back and thank God that He had His hand not only in our dating relationship, but also in our breakup. For as close as Aaron and I were and all of the things that we had planned for our lives - and all of the variables that went into the eventual breakup - this could've very easily been an extremely painful, bitter ending. And while I'm not going to BS anyone and say that it had no effect on me, it was really much easier than I ever would've anticipated because I actually relied on God and let Him be my comforter. I had questions that would never be answered and hurts that could never be healed by Aaron or anyone else, but I was somehow able to find God in the midst of it and rely on His peace instead of trying to cope on my own. It was then that I happened to check my beautiful friend Angela's away message where she had this verse, "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it. Mark 10:27" Successful breakup? Definitely. Because I didn't call and try and "fix things" with Aaron when I wanted to. Because I trusted God to work it out according to the road that He can see for my life. Give it to God instead of trying to fix it myself? Oh yeah...something else that I've already dealt with and seen as truth. Reminder #2.

This afternoon I finally got a chance to get away and spend some time reading, just me and God, open to whatever He wanted to tell me. And wouldn't you know...here came another chance to grow. I'm reading a couple of business books right now because of my new job in the church. I'm going to be taking over as the Service Coordinator, which pretty much means that I keep things running on Sunday mornings. Light not plugged in? My responsibility. Projector not on? My responsibility. Cords not taped down? Music in the foyer too loud? Sound check too long and putting us off schedule? My responsibility. And while most - if not all - of these things will be delegated to my incredible team leaders, I'm still the one who is "In Charge" of Sunday mornings and making things happen. Hmm. That's a pretty cool honor, to be asked to be responsible for something as huge as this. It must be because God has noticed how I work my butt off for Mosaic. It must be because He's seen how freaking much I've grown since August. It must be because He knows that I'm an anal perfectionist who will pay attention to every last detail and have things run correctly. I'm feeling pretty awesome about my new role and of course, I want to make opportunities for growth, to better myself so that I can be a leader that people actually WANT to follow. So one of the books that I'm reading at Barnes and Noble is "Good to Great and the Social Sectors" by Jim Collins. And I get to page 9..."No matter how much you have achieved, you will always be merely good relative to what you can become. Greatness is an inherently dynamic process, not an end point. The moment you think of yourself as great, your slide toward mediocrity will have already begun." Oh, you mean I'm NOT great already? And that's NOT why you put me in this position? NOT because I'm perfect?...Enter reminder #3.

I think God really does want us to move from good to great. He wants us to be constantly improving and seeking out where we can grow. Naeem read tonight, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalm 129:23-24)" Oh. Right. That's what you're doing. That's what you did ALL DAY today. Ok, well, short of being hit upside the head with a Bible, I think I've finally taken all of these reminders to figure it out: You don't want me to be content in where I'm at - regardless of how much I think I've accomplished. I need to keep pressing on. I need to run as if I'm the one who will win the race. (1 Corinthians 9) You don't expect me to be perfect, but you do want me to be excellent. Even if that means RElearning these things that I've already "learned" time and time again. I can't believe that I'm in the place that I'm in right now. God has grown me up to be a 100, a level that I didn't even think existed, that wasn't possible in the 1 to 10 life that I knew. But I know that's because I let Him bring me here and didn't try to find it on my own. And I know that if I continue to allow Him to shape me and teach me, I'll soon look around and realize that I've climbed the scale again...a 200, a 500, a 1000!

Why just move from good to great? With God's help, I'm going for excellence.