Is enough ever enough?

I've been having a debate. With myself. I'm wondering why good intentions die and if it's okay to let them. Or! If it's as Winston Churchill said, "We should never ever ever ever give up."

I know that you can't please everyone. And I know that in life, there will always be people you can't please. People who don't like you, regardless of what you do, say, or how many times you reach out. Regardless of how genuine your attempts really are or how much you genuinely want to have a relationship with them. What I don't understand is why. Especially when there seems to be no reason.

I've got a hurt in my heart because I can't build this specific friendship. It's important to me - and I've tried - but I seem to get hurt every time. It's amazing how deep short remarks and cold shoulders can dig. Especially when you're just trying to offer yourself. Nothing fake. Nothing forced. Just friendship. Part of me says to just move on and forget it. That anyone worth being friends with won't be intentionally hurtful, regardless of how meaningless and small the act of being ignored may seem. But another part of me wants to keep trying. Because I feel like if I can just figure out what I did - why I'm unlovable to this person - I can break down whatever wall of hurt I've somehow put up and find a friendship with someone who I think is actually a lot like me. But do I say something? Or just follow suit and pretend like there's not tension between us? I guess for now all I can do is be willing. Until I figure out the answer to the debate.

At the same time I'm on the other end of the spectrum with another relationship. I was hurt pretty badly by a close friend who intentionally ran our friendship into the ground. And then ran over it with a truck. Hurt after hurt after hurt, I was the one who decided the friendship wasn't worth it. When trust and respect aren't there, a relationship just doesn't work. And when you add intentional degrading, forget it. After not speaking for about a year, this person recently approached me to apologize. I was completely blown away and immediately brought to tears. We talked, I granted forgiveness that was asked of me, and I'm hoping that this change is genuine. I really hope so. Because I'd love to have my friend back.

On the off chance that friend #2 is reading this, thank you. You restored my faith in people and encouraged the side of me that thinks I should never give up on anyone. I missed you. And I hope you're back for good. Hopefully I can figure out how I've hurt person #1 and will be able to have another restoration. Because man...letting go of that hurt was such a relief for my heart. I was carrying around pain that I didn't even realize was weighing me down because I'd been ignoring it.

Besides, who ever has too many friends?